And unbearably so. No matter how subdued I try to be, how controlled I try to behave, I'm still always going to be awkward. It doesn't even matter that today made me feel great; the euphoria is not normal, and recognizing that causes me to fall into a whole new level of psychological pain.
However, while I may not have felt normal today, that didn't stop today from being incredibly normal. The most normal day I've ever had. Yet those evil little bastard thoughts kept bombarding me until I dropped the facade and yelled ENOUGH!!!, walking home in a jittery and paranoid state.
Walking home wasn't even enjoyable this time. I kept thinking someone was going to throw a beer bottle in my general direction, and every other house I passed had a dog pressed up against the gate, barking and baring their teeth out at me.
And regardless of the fact that I did nothing wrong, instant shame washed over me.
Because of barking.
Something dogs just naturally do.
...
...I'll probably be okay tomorrow.
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