Procrastination!

Why, oh why do I do it? If only it's as simple as commanding my brain to stop wandering away from the task at hand! And speaking of hands, why do my fingers allow encouragement from aforementioned brain to sabotage my weekend plans? I thought I already made it clear that I'll be having midnight engagements with my textbooks on a regular basis.

And I don't believe I'll let you get away from a scolding, my intimidated pair of feet. Stop hiding in my socks to stay warm! It's tempting me to crawl into bed every second of the day. Also, and more importantly, it's not helping anyone whenever you walk to the kitchen for what you originally intended to be a short snack. After so many times, have you not realized that there is more in the refrigerator than a glass of milk and some cheese sticks?

This frustrates me. I frustrate myself. It's a quite frustrating situation altogether. I've always been the kind of person who's been able to get away with doing things at the last minute, but with more expectations (internal, external, perceived, imaginary, etc. - there are all kinds of those) weighing down on my shoulders, I feel as if pursuing my old habits is like stubbornly continuing down a path that leads to nowhere, in the hopes that I’ll somehow find my way to Narnia or Middle Earth. It’s setting me up for failure. And disappointment. And a lot more anxiety then I would like.

So what would I like to change about this dire situation? First off, prioritize better. Do what’s at the top of my list first, then work my way down. To hell with comfort – it’s gotten to the point where I just keep avoiding the task and become lazy and anxious and rabbit-hearted. Just get it over with, and enjoy the feeling of comfort that will always follow afterwards.

Also, anxiety has always been a factor involved. Even when I was younger, I could always count on it to keep my work in check. It always forced me to get stuff done, especially if at the last minute, and get it turned in on time. That’s the good kind of anxiety. That’s the kind I can (sometimes) depend on. Now? I’ve used it against myself, as a way to push back everything I should do at the top of my list. Let’s end that, starting today. Because it’s the beginning of a new week and I want to start off with the first symbolic step forward.

There’s so much more I’d like to mention, but that requires putting a lot more thought into the time I should be spending on the work accumulating on my desk. Maybe I’ll continue this discussion on a second post, after I’ve gotten a better hold on my academic priorities.

Shall I end this post, then, by starting off my new week with bare feet, old socks discarded out the window? :)